November 2011

In November of 2011 we were EXTREMELY shocked to find out I was pregnant!  Not planned at all but very very excited!!  We of course weren't on the correct meds to sustain a pregnancy for me so I didn't sleep the night we found out.  I couldn't wait to call the doctor in the am to find out what I need to do and do fast!  They started me on progesterone immediately to help me hold on to that tiny tiny baby of ours. (When we find out I'm pregnant I have to go get my blood drawn every two days to see if my numbers are going up or not)  It was to no avail. I was working at the Peoria Farm Show when my doctor called me to tell my numbers were dropping.  They said expect to miscarry within the next few days.

So I'm standing in the Peoria Civic Center with close to 500 men surrounding me so I start to cry.  These men aren't just men.  They are farmers with what I believe have hearts of gold.  The men that are working with me just stare at me not knowing what to say or do.  Do they leave the current customers they are talking with or stay looking at me awkwardly every few seconds?! Men I don't know are walking by me looking so concerned for me. (LOVE ME SOME FARMERS!!)  (Some of the men that work for us are AC and very close to our family.  They know my story of miscarrying  because they worked daily with me while I lost 3 babies earlier in my journey.)  I think more time passed by then I thought while I stood there in shock with tears streaming down my face.  My dad being the most completely understanding man I know just stood there with tears in his eyes with his arm around me.  We were leaning on a field cultivator if I remember right.

I then "woke" up and decided maybe I should excuse myself to the restroom.  I went into the bathroom and had a hard and ugly cry in the stall.  (great thing about the farm show is that there aren't too many women and so I'm usually the only one in the bathroom)  I went to restroom and there lay my sweet tiny baby on my toilet paper.  Breathless I picked up my baby (I decided with the first miscarriages that I would try and hold my babies at least once if I could) and told him/her that if love would have saved him he would have lived forever.  I quoted the bible as I put him in the toilet, "The Lord giveth and taketh away, Blessed be the name of the Lord"!  I walked out of the restroom and had to put on a happy face and finish my day.

Willy couldn't be more wonderful during all of this!  He just held me when I got home and took care of the kids so I could go to bed at 6pm.