Fostering

On December 31st, 2014 I was shopping with two of my sister in laws in Peoria and received a phone call that changed our lives forever! A sweet little girl that we knew needed respite care (temporary foster care) for one week. I told them she was welcome at our house so we went to pick her up at the foster agency an hour later. She was 2 1/2 years old and very scared. She luckily knew me so she happily came home with me! Well that week quickly came and went. She fit into our routine pretty quickly since she was a good age between Presley and Bentley. We had to do some car seat adjusting and buy a new one but overall things weren't too bad. She had a giggle that could make anyone melt! She was the youngest of four kids in her family so that was probably the hardest transition for her. She came from another foster home where she was the only little kid in the home so when she wanted or needed something she didn't need to wait long. Well here you just need to get in line when mommy has a 7 month old. So her demanding personally quickly got worse before it got better because she was no longer the queen of the home. I'm sure most of you moms out there can handle things like this better than me but when she came she wasn't potty trained. I couldn't handle her potty diapers. They literally made me ill. So we did the whole potty training and she did awesome and only had a few accidents, well ones she didn't mean to. When she was upset at us for something or didn't want to wear what I had out for her she would simply pee in the outfit. Starring into her deep brown eyes that exhibited no remorse at all was really hard. Especially when you are already deep in mommy guilt for not spending enough time with your other children. You really start to question why God would put this on your plate right now? And I started to wonder "Am I really cut out for this?!" Perhaps my heart is big, but my hands are way too small. Well after much soul searching, listening to ministers in church and pastors on the radio I found out many things I needed to hear at that time.

*God didn't tell us it was going to be easy!
*This is not how God wanted it to be, we live in a fallen world and this is the consequence of sin!!
*He is still good.
*He wants us to go through the fire and affliction so we look good when we wear him.
*You love as well as you are willing to be inconvenienced.
*It is not you against this child. It is you and this child against this child's history. It is not a personal attach on you.

The last one I literally had to quote to myself daily!! "N" was extremely intelligent and bright for her age. She said EVERYTHING that came across her little mind and spoke extremely well for her age. We learned a lot those few weeks ;). She had so much baggage that she came with. Things she would talk about that I can't imagine going through as an adult let alone a very little girl. Scars I can't imagine being on any child and yet this little girl I held everyday has them all over her tiny body. She was so sweet and kind when she wanted to be. When she didn't want to be she lied, smarted off, peed her pants plus countless other things.  It was hard to tell if she was just being two or if she was suffering in a way she couldn't put into words. That's where we struggled the most. When my kids are hurt, lonely, tired or hungry I know how to fix them. When she was any of those she needed fed, snuggled and held for however long it took to meet her needs. She had her daddy Willy wrapped around her finger but he was very stern with her when she needed it. Which is probably why she loved him so much. Very consistent love is what she could always find with him. Someone to snuggle her immediately after time out where mommy Holly needed a few more minutes to calm down sometimes.

If you never had the privilege to meet our sweet little lady then let me tell you a few things about her physically. She weighed a couple more pounds than our 4 year old Presley but a couple inches shorter and 1 1/2 years younger. She had super soft rich brown skin and curly kinky hair. When she came I had no idea what to do with her hair! I had never experienced African American hair before but it's amazing!! Once I learned how to do it (after 100's of YouTube videos) I couldn't wait to style it every week! She sat so well during the hours it took to do it. At least once a week she would put my arm up next to hers and say "I am chocolate and you are vanilla!" Seriously she was 2 1/2! I checked her birthday many times while we had her. She had to grow up way to quick.

In the beginning of March she started a somewhat new phase of getting jealous of the attention Bentley got from me and would start to hurt him. He would be standing and cruising around furniture and she would come up to him and push his forehead back so he would fall and land flat on his back. She would smash him between our storm door and the big front door. I would watch her do these things plus many other things and still she would come out of time out claiming she had no idea what I was talking about. Those were the days I would pray outside her bedroom door on the floor asking for grace for yet another day with her.      *It is not you against this child. It is you and this child against this child's history. It is not a personal attach on you. Please don't get me wrong... We loved her so very very much! She brought so much joy to our lives!!  She and Presley played so well somedays I wouldn't see them for hours. Then of course like little kids do they would fight and need some time apart.

In the beginning of April she became much rougher and harder on Bentley. I couldn't even walk into another room if they were together alone. We started praying about what needed to be done. Ultimately it came down to her having to move to another home for Bentley's safety. I knew I couldn't make that kind of decision so I had to put the weight of that decision on Will. I asked God to give Willy the wisdom to know what was right for our family. He gave Will a peace about his decision that can only come from God. We didn't want her to leave but we believed that we had to protect the children God had given us first. Trace didn't want this. Presley didn't want this. Will and I didn't want this but we knew it had to be done. She was going to a good home. Her aunt and uncle had come out of the woodwork and wanted her. They had two older children which would be great for her so she could get the attention and healing she needed. When I showed her the picture of her aunt, uncle and cousins the week before she left she said "Hey they are brown like me!!" I was so happy for her to be able to go into a family that finally looked like her (she needed that more than I realized). The day she left Trace and Presley were finally ok with it but Will and I still cried in the driveway as she rode away. It was so hard for Will to have to make that decision for our family. To watch us all suffer the following weeks took a toll on him for sure. He knew I would never make the decision though, I have a desire that was built in me to be a mother to anyone or anything that needs one. It's a blessing and a curse for sure. We have not been able to see her since she left at the end of April but we hear she is thriving in her new home. The kids see other little brown girls out and about and will say, "Mom, that looks like "N"!" They always ask when we can see her again and I have no idea if we ever will. We love and miss her so much though!

Our Bentley forever!

On November 17th 2014 Bentley became a Kellenberger forever!! Less than 11 months after we started our adoption journey the courts declared him ours. Bentley Stoller Kellenberger. I still sit back in awe of how God orchastrated the whole thing! Down to every little detail He was there in the midst. While this wasn't the cheapest journey we have taken we wouldn't change it for the world!!

Update

Sorry for the long pause on the blog.  Our life has changed quite a bit since we added a third child into the mix. It's been an amazingly positive change though and we wouldn't change it for the world!!

I would like to add a couple things in about the birth mom and her family.  Her boyfriend and her have three older boys that are parenting together. They are 8, 5 and 3.  They are so sweet and adorable.  They named their little brother Cameron while their mom was still pregnant with him. Once they found out what we were naming him they called him "baby Cameron Bentley".  I love how much they loved him even though they never got the privilege to meet him.  The birth mom didn't want them to come up to the hospital in fear they would make her sway from her decision.  We knew it was a God thing she had picked us but then we found out some similarities that made it even more apparent God was in control.  First off when the birth mom and dad were naming their youngest son 3 years ago they couldn't decide between Bentley or Drayton!!  They choose Drayton and were thrilled we choose Bentley!  Second, her sisters name was Candy and my sister as you may know is Candice. Third, when I miscarried my last baby in August is the exact same time when Ashley was conceiving our dearest Bentley.  It's so crazy cool how God works!! I love how he has his hands in this adoption.

When A signed the consent papers she did everything correct.  Two weeks after papers were signed ICPC came back and said they wanted a more detailed consent to be signed by the birth mom.  Our lawyer was very against dragging her back through the mud by making her sign again but they had to.  A had took some time off to go stay with some family because she said she was in a very hard spot emotionally. Well they were never able to get ahold of her so we had to find "guardians" for Bentley. This was in case Will and I decided to back out of the adoption someone would be held responsible for him besides her lawyer.  It couldn't be family so we turned to someone who would love him as much as we did. (Even though we knew we would never back out of the adoption) Brian and Alison Sutter are Bentley's guardians until the adoption is finalized. They exception without hesitation just as we knew they would.  They had to get papers notarized and talk to my lawyer several times on the phone but never once acted like it was a big deal.  What can I say? They are some really great friends! Although I think Alison is trying to sabotage the adoption so she gets my delicious baby! ;)

A told me when we were in the hospital that her dad had given her money months ago to get an abortion.  She kept saying how lucky she was that she found us and she hadn't gotten one.  As I stare at Bentley while I'm up with him in the middle of the night I can't help to think how we are the lucky ones. We are the blessed parents who get to give him the life God created for him.  I'm so thankful she didn't choose to abort my precious precious baby.  We are forever grateful to the most selfless woman we will ever know.  Bentley's birth mom is on my mind almost daily and will forever be in our prayers.

Thank you for all our love and support through all of this!!

Our sweet Bentley

I was able to stay in the hospital in my own room with Bentley during the day. A had him with her at night and I had him for most of the days. Will, A and I have a great relationship! We laughed and cried together. The last 4 days were the hardest days of our life. In Pennsylvania you wait for 30 days before the birth mother signs the consent. In Illinois you wait 72 hours. Praising Jesus the Penn lawyer decided to go with the Illinois laws instead of Pennsylvania's!! A signed the consent for us to leave the hospital with Bentley. We still had to wait for her to sign papers for consent for adoption until Friday. We were peaceful she would follow through since she kept telling us how lucky she was to have found us. There was still that restlessness. This morning I received the next phone call I had been longing for since January. The birth father and birth mom both signed their consent for us to adopt Bentley.

I called Willy to let him know he officially had another son. It's been hard on him to not be able to be here. He screamed "WOOHOO!!" in the phone! My mom and I praised God then we did a happy dance! Well I did my happy dance on one foot. :)

My two biological babies were not full term and weighed 6lbs 11oz and 7lbs 1oz. So Bentley weighing 8lbs 4oz through me for a loop! He doesn't fit into hardly anything I brought for him! He's a big boy and LOVES to eat! This forced my mom and I to shop for him for things to wear this summer. :)

Update

Will and I had a great weekend together!!  My mom flew in on Sunday afternoon to join us since Willy was going back to Illinois on Tuesday. 

A was induced on Monday morning around 7:30 so Will and I met her in the lobby of the hospital before and we went up with her to get her signed in. Everything went real smooth except she didn't progress as fast as she thought she might. They only would allow 2 people in the room with her so Will graciously sat in the waiting room all day.  She had brought her sister for support.   At 1pm she got her epidural so Will, her sister and I went down to get some lunch. When we got back to the room she was anxious for the delivery but still wasn't progressing very fast.  The Dr came in to break her water and a couple hours after that she was ready!! She starting pushing around 6pm and at 6:08 he was here!! She did marvelous!  Beautiful little boy with long curly hair. He is so precious, I can't wait to show you all pictures!!  A and the birth father sign papers Friday morning so once I know he is officially ours I will post pictures for you all to see. Until then I'm just enjoying him all to myself waiting for Friday to finally get here!!

Philadelphia

We got an email from our adoption agency last week on May 7th telling us "A" (birth mom) had filled out her birth plan which made us giddy it was so close. When reading through all the paper work and emails she mentioned she was being induced on Friday the 16th.  The agency wanted to make sure I wasn't too tired from flying to meet with her on the 15th, so I flew out on the 14th and Willy joined me on the 15th.
On the plane I tripped over myself and fell over in the aisle. Then when getting up to help an older lady with her bags I completely banged my head on the over head luggage carrier and it sat me back down on my seat. Needless to say I've never been known to be able to walk well. I just believe the floor needs a hug ever now and then. When I arrived in Philadelphia on Wednesday afternoon everything was going great and I got on the rental bus to take me to my car. When stepping off the wrong bus to get onto the correct bus I rolled my right ankle and it popped three separate times as I came down on it. I almost passed out in the middle of the road. I clinged to my luggage and the whole world spun around me! I was in immediate pain and couldn't focus on anything except not falling over and passing out! I slowing limped over to the CORRECT bus while the extremely nice bus driver (who didn't like me moments ago because he hauled me around on the wrong bus for 15 min) took my luggage for me to the right bus for me.
When getting to the correct bus to go to the right car rental company I limped into the building and up to the counter.  The gentleman at the counter sympathetically asked if I wanted some ice for my ankle. I told him I would just get some when I get to my hotel room. He said "oh good cause I don't think we have any ice!" Well thanks for the offer I guess...  I told him why I was in the area to adopt our son and he just started smiling when I told him. I had originally reserved a compact car for the week out here and then got to thinking that might not work well with an infant in the back seat and with Willy's long legs. So I asked him if a full size man would fit in a compact car comfortably.  Well the answer was no, so I asked for the next size up knowing that when you put a big guy like my dad or Willy in a tiny car day after day they begin to hate the car. You never put someone who is paying for your trip (Willy) in uncomfortable positions daily. :) We went out to the parking lot where the cars were and he asked if I wanted to upgrade to a mini van for $11 extra a day. I politely declined knowing this trip was expensive enough. Then he asked if I wanted a small SUV for an extra $11 a day, and I said ummm no! So knowing I was adopting he offered me the mini van for free as a birthday present to the baby!! God has his hands in this in so many ways!  I love it!!!
So not being able to escape the dream of having a mini van (insert sarcasm) I drove to the hotel with a ginormous ankle and to rest.
Thursday the 15th Willy got here at noon and took one look at my ankle and we had to go the ER immediately. Our insurance doesn't cover Prompt Cares while we are on vacation so we only had that option. It went pretty quick except everyone wants to know why we are in the area. So we tell them we are adopting and the Dr came in and just sat and talked to us about it. People love adoption stories!! I have a super bad sprain. They gave my crutches, a wrap and a brace. Proving God has a sense of humor as I stumble around even more on crutches. :)
We were supposed to have lunch with A on Thursday but she couldn't find her phone to call us :( She called me Friday morning and we talked for the first time for 70 min and it was wonderful!! I got off the phone and Will asked if I had found my twin? :) We do seem to have a lot in common! She invited us to her Dr appointment that morning. We met her and her sister in the lobby of her Dr and went in. The Dr came in and acted annoyed there were two extra people in there with her. After explaining who we were and that we were adopting her baby his whole demeanor changed and he became very sweet. He agreed to have her induced Monday morning because we were in town. When leaving the office he stopped us and asked for our phone number. I wrote it down for his secretary not knowing exactly why. He asked who was going to be on the birth certificate and after telling him both of us he seemed to become even sweeter. He then told us he would contact the hospital and try to get us our own private room to stay in while the baby was in the hospital. When getting back to our hotel that afternoon the Dr himself called me and told me the hospital would rent out a room next to A's room like a hotel during our stay so we can stay with the baby. That way we will for sure be there when the pediatrician comes around. I still can't believe the Dr himself called. There's God again proving his hand in this!
So Will and I are enjoying some much needed time away together as we anxiously await Monday morning... Please pray for A at this time.  She says she is really excited to give him a better life then what she can provide, but I know this will be harder than she thinks.  We can feel your prayers all the way out here and can't say thank you enough!! We love you all!!

Will and Holly

PAPER PREGNANT!!

That's right, you read the title correctly!!  We are paper pregnant! Meaning... a birth mom choose us to parent her baby!  I was sitting enjoying a play date friday afternoon regularly checking my emails like crazy as usual and received the email we have been waiting on.  The title was: YEAH YOU ARE MATCHED!!  At that point I started not breathing well as I told Angie Schrock "Ummmmmm I think we are matched with a birth mom?!?!" I read the email several times to be sure that the young woman who had been looking at our profile choose us!!  Angie started laughing at me as I talked to Willy on the phone and couldn't breathe correctly.  I anxiously called my parents and sisters to tell them the news.  Then I called my sweet mother in law who was in Atlanta with my sister in law Stephanie would just moved then.  I couldn't wait to tell her she was getting a 28th grandchild!


This wonderful young woman is a sweetheart as far as I can tell in her emails.  She seems dedicated to the adoption which we were worried about.  The fun part is is that she is due May 15th!!  Soooo looks like we will be traveling to get our SON very very soon!! Prayers would be appreciated so things go smoothly with the state transfer.  Thank you for your support!!  We love you all very much!!